


Into the Ocean

by polyfandrous



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Avatar Cycle, I might need help, Into the Ocean, Songfic, Trigger Warning: depression, blue october, this is what the season finale did to me, this is where my thoughts went, trigger warning: disability, trigger warning: suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-07
Updated: 2014-09-07
Packaged: 2018-02-16 11:05:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2267388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/polyfandrous/pseuds/polyfandrous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>...They just couldn’t understand - she was the Avatar, and stuck in a wheelchair! What good was she? Her friends had all been trying to keep her spirits up while Jinora and the other airbenders patrolled in her stead, but their efforts were fruitless... Thus, Korra found herself alone on the balcony, overlooking the grey waters being whipped into whitecaps...</p>
<p>I'm just a normal boy<br/>That sank when I fell overboard...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Into the Ocean

It had been easy enough, even with the approaching storm. Her mood had been sinking deeper into despair as time went on, and her healing seemed to plateau. They just couldn’t understand - she was the Avatar, and stuck in a wheelchair! What good was she? Her friends had all been trying to keep her spirits up while Jinora and the other airbenders patrolled in her stead, but their efforts were fruitless. Asami was the only one who still tried, who would put on a smile for her, but she was becoming frustrated sooner with each gregarious effort. Thus, Korra found herself alone on the balcony, overlooking the grey waters being whipped into whitecaps.

_I'm just a normal boy_  
 _That sank when I fell overboard_  
 _My ship would leave the country_  
 _But I'd rather swim ashore_

True, she had regained some strength. She could manage some small feats of bending, although she still couldn’t walk, or even push her own wheelchair. Zaheer hadn’t lied - the poison had been in her body too long. Those close to her praised her progress, but it had taken months to achieve that. Months had passed since, and she hadn’t made any more. Korra gripped the wheels of her chair tightly, willing herself the strength to do this: she owed the world one more favour. One push, two - out of breath, she reached the rail. The wind picked up, and its fury could easily have been passionately for or against her decision. It didn’t matter; she had managed to get one foot over the rail and found herself gazing down at the black, foaming surface. Korra held on in feeble desperation, drawing in ragged breaths. She needed to focus. One breath, two, and she let go.

_Without a life vest I'd be stuck again_  
 _Wish I was much more masculine_  
 _Maybe then I could learn to swim_  
 _Like 'fourteen miles away'_

It had been enough. The water bent downwards, welcoming her return. Instinct kicked in as relief flooded her being. It had been so long since she’d felt at home. The storm became muted, and yet every sound within the water was amplified as the darkness enveloped her. As Korra held her breath and rose slowly to the surface, she wished that she could properly enjoy this swim. Her burst of strength had faded however - she was at the sea’s mercy, and she sincerely hoped it would take her farther out, even knowing what her fate would be in her reduced state. That was the point. She needed to ensure that the cycle continued, that the world could have an Avatar sooner rather than later.

_Now floating up and down_  
 _I spin, colliding into sound_  
 _Like whales beneath me diving down_  
 _I'm sinking to the bottom of my_  
 _Everything that freaks me out_  
 _The lighthouse beam has just run out_  
 _I'm cold as cold as cold can be_  
 _be_

She broke the surface into a howling maelstrom, and inwardly remarked upon the difference across the air/water boundary in a way rather indifferent, considering her position caught between them. Her calm thoughts contrasted with the rolling waves heaving her about and crashing over her head, with the wind whipping rain, although they drew similarities with the pervasive darkness. One wave pushed her below again, and upon bobbing up the beam of the lighthouse streaked across her vision. In that same moment, her mind finally registered the cold in her extremities seeping farther into her limbs, drawing with it fear.

_I want to swim away but don't know how_  
 _Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean_  
 _Let the waves up take me down_  
 _Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah_  
 _Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down_  
 _Let the rain come down_

As panic set in, she thrust herself into an easy stroke, but it only took a few for her to realize that she couldn’t fight this storm with her atrophied muscles. No, what am I doing? This was a stupid idea! she thought, searching for the light again as terror coiled about her insides. She kept treading water frantically, attempting to move in circles as waves thrust against her, foiling her weakening movements. The wind roared, waves and rain tried to drown her, and the realization that she really _was_ going to die out there caused her panic to mount further.

_Where is the coastguard?_  
 _I keep looking each direction_  
 _For a spotlight, give me something_  
 _I need something for protection_  
 _Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine_  
 _the jetsam sunk, I'm left behind_  
 _I'm treading for my life believe me_  
 _(How can I keep up this breathing)_

Each successive wave drained her more, and it took her more and more time to reach the surface, only to be forced under again. Each gasping breath she took was accompanied by rain- and seawater, causing her to cough and sputter as she fought to stay afloat. Her world dwindled to the crashing waves, torrential rain, her struggle to draw a dry breath, terror, and darkness. In fearful fury she screamed aloud, just as another wave fell upon her, bearing her under with water in her lungs.

_Not knowing how to think_  
 _I scream aloud, begin to sink_  
 _My legs and arms are broken down_  
 _With envy for the solid ground_  
 _I'm reaching for the life within me_  
 _How can one man stop his ending_  
 _I thought of just your face_  
 _Relaxed, and floated into space_

Water had always been more a part of her than any of the other elements, but she didn’t appreciate the humour in having it inside her like this. The darkness and cold no longer registered. All she felt now was fear, and pain as her coughing drew more water into her lungs. Korra’s eyes flared white, illuminating the roiling, murky greenness for a short distance around her. The Avatar State was too late, though: she was already so weak, she couldn’t muster any bending. Her heart hammered against her ribcage, feeling as though it might beat its way out, and then slowed and fluttered in time to her fading struggles. It seemed as though a spark in her mind flared to a point of white, then fizzled out along with the light in her eyes.

_I want to swim away but don't know how_  
 _Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean_  
 _Let the waves up take me down_  
 _Let the hurricane set in motion... yeah_  
 _Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down_  
 _Let the rain come down_  
 _Let the rain come down_

Now there was nothing - no cold, no pain, no fear. Just the faint feeling of slipping lower into the depths. This was it. This was her end. Korra felt nothing, though, not even a hint of satisfaction that she had been successful in continuing the Avatar cycle. A second spark went nova in her mind and became black.

_Now waking to the sun_  
 _I calculate what I had done_  
 _Like jumping from the bow (yeah)_  
 _Just to prove that I knew how (yeah)_  
 _It's midnight's late reminder of_  
 _The loss of her, the one I love_  
 _My will to quickly end it all_  
 _Set front row in my need to fall_

Slowly, and yet suddenly, Korra was aware of another presence. She focused on it, struggling with her morbid apathy and finding herself face to face with Aang. _Avatar Aang?_ she thought, confusion bubbling to the surface of her receding consciousness. The apparition nodded. She found herself musing that she must be hallucinating from the lack of oxygen. _Korra, what have you done?_ he asked, sorrow etched across his features. It hit her all again, her rage, followed by the depression at her uselessness. Her foul mood drawing her deeper and deeper, the terrible pain that she could no longer mask. Lashing out at her friends, her family, driving them away as her soul lost parts of itself in her futile agony. She might have started to cry, if her body were capable of anything anymore.

_Into the ocean, end it all_  
 _Into the ocean, end it all_  
 _Into the ocean, end it all_  
 _into the ocean...end it all_

_I had to, Aang_ … she communicated hesitantly, without words and yet clearly understandable. _I couldn’t do anything. I was… broken, and the world needs a real Avatar. There is so much chaos in the aftermath of Zaheer’s failed revolution, and the airbenders are doing great, but it’s the Avatar’s job to maintain balance. Zaheer thought the world no longer need an Avatar… But maybe it just doesn’t need a crippled one_. The surge of anger and despair following that engulfed her in blackness, dissipating her vision of the previous Avatar. As a final spark flared to life and died, even the black emotions dissipated down to the final thought: _Now the cycle can continue_.

_Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)_  
 _Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)_  
 _Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)_

 

**Author's Note:**

> So I literally just finished catching up on Legend of Korra this evening, and with the ending...with Zaheer wanting to end the Avatar Cycle, and Korra being so sick even weeks after her poisoning...what if she did die? What if she took her life to ensure the continuation of the cycle? I kid you not, I was crying watching the end, thinking of that (and of course being happy at Jinora's success in achieving her tattoos), so clearly I had to write it down and share my pain with all who cared to look for such things. And especially with Korra watching Jinora with such a bland expression, but tears in her eyes. I don't doubt that she was happy for her, but I think her fragility and uselessness were at the forefront of her mind. 
> 
> So, sorry I brought this into the world, but I imagine I'm not the only person who got an idea like that. Let me know what you think I guess? Oh, and shout out to [mitspeiler](http://archiveofourown.org/users/mitspeiler/pseuds/mitspeiler) for beta reading/editing so quickly (although it's not a long fic so I imagine it wasn't difficult to do).


End file.
